The lock screen is the new homepage.

The homepage is the new barstool for your regulars.

Regulars are the new audience developers.

Audience Developer is the new Senior Editor.

Senior Editor is the new vanity title.

Vanity titles are the new email newsletter.

Email newsletters are the new tweetstorms.

Tweetstorms are the new inverted pyramid.

The inverted pyramid is the new buggy whip.

[Intermission.]

Quickie podcasts are the new Serial.

Serial-style in-house entrepreneurship is the new seed round.

Seed investment is the new original content.

Original content for the lock screen is the new lock screen.